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s slmu funduszeue.info mn bir mslhtsiz i grmfunduszeue.infom xta deyim ya yox. Mn Orta Yol un emailni gtrb onunla mktublaram. Cox mktubladm hr eyi baa sald baxmayaraq ona sz tapa bilmirm yend onunla razlamaq istmirm.Cnki sizi tanyram az da olsa elminizdn xbrim var. Amma o msllri drin gedir.htta deyrdim ki,cox msld elmlidir. Axrnc df mn dlil gfunduszeue.info dlildn sonra tmiz beynim qarb. Allah rizasna cavab yazn. Amma dlill ki ona n is deye bilim.
1 ci-"Zahiri mllri iman adna daxil etmk mcazidir" szn deyn ks deyrik ki, snin ixtilafn lfzidir, nki gr sn (zahiri mllrin) qlbdki vacaib imann qanlmaz/ayrlmaz nticsi v vacib qld nticsi olduunu qbul edirsns, hmin qanlmaz/ayrlmaz nticnin olmamas hmin nticni tlb edn sbbin d olmamasn tlb edir, bellikl zahirin olmamas batinin d olmamasn lazm edir. gr sn bunu etiraf edirsns, o zaman snin biziml ixtilaf etmyin lfzi ixtilafdr. Lakin gr insann kfr izhar etmsi v btn vaciblri trk etmsi il birlikd onun qlbind shih vacib iman yer tuta bilir deyrk Chm v onun davamlarnn grlrinin hqiqti olan bu gr qbul edirsns, o zaman bu snin "zahir batinin qanlmaz/ayrlmaz nticsi v onu vacib sonucudur" szlrini inkar edir. ksin deyirlr ki, snin grnn hqiqti budur ki, sn gr zahir batini bzn izlyir, bzn is ondan ayr olur, lakin daim onu izlmir, n d onun vacib sonucu v m'lulu deyildir. Lakin dlilidir, gr mvcud olarsa, batinin mvcud olduuna dlalt edir. gr yox olarsa, batinin yox olduuna dlalt etmir. Bu, snin sznn mahiyytidir."
"Mcmu l-Ftava", 7/
nki mriklr d, kitab hli d bu ilri vacib grrlr. O mllr ki, onlar xsusi il Muhammd vasitsil vacib buyurulmudur, bax o vacib mllrdn he bir ey ml etmdn insan Allaha v Rasuluna iman etmi olmaz."
"Mcmu l-Ftava", 7/
Hele coxlu sheyler verib mn bu mni n cox maraqlandrandfunduszeue.info edirm cavab yazfunduszeue.info dlill yazn .Necki o elyirdi htta bizim dlillrimizi aradrb xtalar cixardrd.Allah raz olsun Cmi mslmanlardan
Cavab:
Va aleykumus salam va rahmatullahi va barakatuhu!
vvla, siz nahaq bel adamlarla mktublarsnz. Siz znz d grdnz ki, n lazmdrsa, biz ona dedik, amma o qbul elmdi. Ona gr d sizing bel birisi il yazmas dzgn deyil. Hl stlik o qdr zifsiniz ki, ona cavab ver bilmmisiniz. sln onun elmi he yoxdur. Sadc saytlara girib orda ftvalar nsxlyib bura qoyur. Biz yazdqlarmz is oxumur, oxusa da qbul etmir.
Soruun ondan ki, “elmini” hans mllimdn alb, he olmasa birinin adn ksin. nki size o cr sviyyd olan birisinin aldatmas ox glmlidir. He olmasa bir mlliminin adn desin ki, siz bilsiniz ki, buna qulaq asmaq olar, yoxsa yox. gr tabiinlrin vaxtnda deyirdilrs ki, baxn elmi kimdn gtrrsnz, bizim dvrd ox ehtiyatl olmaq lazmdr.
1. Bu sadc eyxulslamn (rahimahullah) murciy hlin cavabdr, bunu biz aid elmk byk shvdir. nki biz demirik ki, zahir mllrin imanla he bir laqsi yoxdur v ya ayrdr. Biz deyirik ki, gr batindki ml tam olsa, onda ml zahir xmaldr. gr tam olmasa, naqis olsa, xmaya bilr. Qlb iman n sasdr. Zahir d onun ayrlmaz bir laqsidir. Sadc eyxulslam (rahimahullah) dediyi kimi, gr zahird ml yoxdursa, bu dlildir ki, ya iman yoxdur, ya da zifdir. aln bel mumi cmllr aldanmayn.
2. Vacib olan mllr oxdur, hr birinin d z hkm var. Msln, namaz. Namaz trk edn bard alimlr ixtilafda olublar. n byk ml olan namazdr, lakin namaz trk edni hli sunnnin byk alimlri kafir grmyiblr. ndi bu o demk deyil ki, bununla hmin alimlr murciy olur. eyxulslamn (rahimahullah) z namaz trk edni kafir grmr. Sadc eyxin 7-ci cild szlri murciylr cavablardr, yni onlara mlin vacibliyini sbut etmk istyir.
Amma bu he onun yazlarna oxamr. nki o bu sviyyd deyildi. Siz znz baqa slubla onun stn atb mn sual verirsiniz. sas dlili dzgn baa dmkdir, dlillrin oxluu deyil. Xsusn d mslni drindn bilmirsinizs, bel adamlarla danmayn, bunlar size asanlqla aldada bilrlr. lhmdulillah, biz murciy deyilik. Biz deyirik ki, iman dill deyib, qlbl etiqad edib, mll gstrmkdir. Deyirik ki, ml imandan ayrlmazdr. Sadc bir incliyi demk istyirm ki, bu adamlar ml deynd ancaq zahiri mllri qsd edirlr, hm d bununla namaz qlmayan da kafir grrlr – vsslam. nki zlrindn soruanda ki, bs ml oxdur, baqa mli trk edn n olur – deyirlr, yox, kafir olmur.
P.S. Bir d maraqldr ki, o sninl mktublamaa vaxt tapr sfrdn, amma bizim burdak suallar cavabsz qoyur?
Allah daha yax bilir!
As salamu aleykum va rahmatullahi va barakatuhu!
RAMADAAN LADIES THIKR TALK 13 RAMADAAN 25 APRIL
Final Write up 27 August
SABR (Patience)
Introduction
In the Islamic month of Ramadaan, the Gregorian year , I was asked to give a talk at one of our Ladies Ramadaan Thikr programmes. I was surprised when my dear friend and mentor said she had chosen this topic for me because, it is evident that I have been through many extraordinary things in my life which must have taught me sabr. I was surprised because patience and constancy has always been difficult for me, so I relished the thought that perhaps it will give me additional perspective and impetus in my personal strife towards the virtuous practice of patience. I am writing this up some months after my original talk, mainly because I was chatting to someone and I wanted to reference some aspects of the talk and realised that it may be better if I wrote it down. The process of the write-up has been profound and enlightening. Thoughts and clarifications filtered through my mind as I plodded through the process of checking my notes, references and writing, writing, writing… Also though the process, I am experiencing many tests of sabr almost daily, so it must be understood that everything I write in this article is addressed more to myself than to you, the reader, for whom I naturally wish the highest benefit and inspiration from this.
Sabr is mentioned times in the Quran and there are numerous hadith on its virtues. It is a word mentioned frequently by Muslims and the volumes that can be written about it cannot be captured in a thousand pages. This is merely a cursory examination of its basis and expositions, using personal experiences to illustrate my own application of them.
Sabr and the Aloe Plant
We generally understand ‘sabr’ to mean endurance and perseverance in the face of difficulties such as illness and disease, death of loved ones and the ever present impact of COVID on our lives. The one thing that all of these ‘calamities’ have in common is that they are beyond our control.
I came across two interesting articles on the internet that explored the root word of sabr to the cactus plant. According to Faisal Amjad in his article on the “The Real Meaning of Sabr,[1] historically, word Sabr is derived from the Aloe Vera plant shoot, (known as sabbar or sibr) which grows natively in the desert. What the aloe plant is known for, other than its healing qualities, is its ability to sustain drought and heat in the harsh climate of the desert. In particular, the way it withstands these harsh conditions to force its way to grow tall and strong against the odds, whether in heat or cold, in sand or through hard ground, it will always find a way to grow and needs very little maintenance and watering. And when it does grow and is used for its purpose, it has an absolute abundance of beneficial functions. For example, it can cool burns, help with allergies, condition hair, it can protect skin and detoxify the body, it has anti-inflammatory and anti-viral properties and can heal wounds, stimulate cell regeneration and be used as toothpaste or mouthwash. What’s more, it can even promote blood circulation and lower cholesterol when you drink it as a juice.
Like the cactus, sabr is not passive, Amira Ayad writes. ‘Sabr does not helplessly wait for conditions to change or for water to pour down from the sky. Rather it digs its roots firmly into the ground and stubbornly reaches for those underground invisible streams; it toughens its skin and faces the desert harshness with determination and fortitude; it saves water for the rough days and perseveres when the sustenance is scarce. Sabr is an active engagement in life, it honours the struggle, the grit, the pursuit, it is motivating and empowering.[2]
Subhan’ALLAH. The profundity of this allegory is an acknowledgement of the impeccable completeness of the Divine message and the perfection of the meaning of multiple concepts in just one word.
Life will always be hard. Conditions will never be perfect. In fact it may only get more difficult, but the only relevant questions you need to ask yourself are what is your purpose and what value are you providing? Practising Sabr, like the aloe vera plant, will always result in growth, even if it doesn’t feel like it. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. Inspired by the aloe vera plant, as human beings we strive to always persevere, fight and stand tall, in an active and positive way, in order to achieve our purpose of serving and alwaysalways, always providing value to others in the service of ALLAH ﷻ.
The following the hadith was narrated by Abu S’id Khudri in Bukhari and Muslim:
“Whoever practices Sabr, Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala gives him Sabr . And no one can be given anything better or more far-reaching (comprehensive) than Sabr.”
The deconstruction of this could result in a thesis. For the less trained like myself, the first most obvious yet hidden facet lies in the second word, the verb “practices”. Although there are many other aspects that are relevant to word ‘practice’, as a verb it means the exercise of repeating or rehearsing something with the objective of becoming more proficient at it. It reminds me of my early days as a young lawyer when my beloved father, my mentor and Imaam, (May ALLAH be pleased with him and grant him afford him the highest honour amongst the Saliheen), said to me in his usual jovial and sometimes provocative way, “So you’re practicing as a lawyer now, when are you going to get it right?”.
We are being told to practice sabr actively, get better at it and hopefully get it right one day. The noun ‘practice’ also finds obvious meaning here – habit, custom, routine). Hence the hadith enjoins both the act of rehearsing and repeating this action of sabr until it becomes habitual or routine.
Constancy inevitably goes with patience.
By the Token of time (through the ages), Verily Man is in loss,
Except such who have faith, and do righteous deeds, and (join together) in mutual teaching of Truth and of Patience and Constancy. Surah Al Asr
The more we practice sabr the more we develop it into a continuous habit. The surah also refers to the collective efforts to support and remind each other to be patient and constant. ALLAH ﷻ in HIS infinite wisdom and mercy is telling us that HE knows how difficult it is to practice this sabr – so HE enjoins us to help each other, teach each other this patience and constancy.
Complimentary quality of TRUST
The stepping stones to honing the practice of sabr are to be found in other complimentary qualities which HE جل جلاله enjoins upon us.
Trust in ALLAH ﷻ and gratitude to Him Most affectionate, Most merciful are seminal qualities that should permeate the consciousness of every believer. Trust includes the total acceptance that ALLAH ﷻ knows what is in the highest interest of every creation in existence. HIS love is complete and irresistible. HIS mercy is in every situation.
It includes a firm belief that the good and the bad are both to our benefit yet we perceive it not. The hardship we experience may seem insurmountable at the time but ALLAH ﷻ in HIS infinite mercy gives us the best of the bad scenarios we could potentially face in any give situation. Some scholars explain that the good is from ALLAH ﷻ and the bad are the inevitable consequences of our own actions. Even if we are the architects of our hardships, ALLAH ﷻ makes those hardships the least difficult for us.
One of the areas where we are expected to exercise sabr is when we make a dua and ALLAH ﷻ does not answer it. There are reasons given by the scholars but the relevant ones for the purpose of understanding sabr are as follows:
“The (dua’a) of anyone of you maybe answered( by Allah) as long as he does show impatience by saying, “ I prayed to Allah but my prayers have not been answered.” (Al-Bukhari).
It can be summarized in 3 lines:
The Messenger of Allah said:
“Any Muslim who makes a supplication containing nothing which is sinful, or which involves breaking ties of relationship, will be given for it by Allah one of three things:
Often, we perceive something as bad at the time, but in fact it’s in our best interest and we only discover it later. For instance, our family was thinking about renting out a shop in a nearby shopping centre to start a fast food establishment and were turned down by the managers. Our disappointment turned to utter relief when 2 months later the world was hit by COVID and the country went into level 5 lockdown, resulting in the tragic closure of many small and even big businesses. The refusal, which could have been seen as a torment at the time turned out to be an enormous gift and blessing. Trusting ALLAH’s grace at the point of the hardship is the true test of the level of one’s belief. If one is satisfied and trusts that ALLAH truly knows best, instead of bemoaning one’s fate, blaming others or worse blaming ALLAH, the journey to Ihsaan is accelerated. Ihsaan is to worship ALLAH as if we see HIM.
Muslims try to worship God as if they see Him, and although they cannot see him, they undoubtedly believe that He is constantly watching over them. (Al-Bukhari and Al-Muslim).
Pain and illness
Pain and illness requires much practice of sabr. The healthiest amongst us fall prey to unexpected illness, disease, and injury. The trust in HIS Mercy as the disposer of all our affairs can be borne more easily if we accept it as a gift instead of a curse. The gift of cleansing, purification and expiation.
“A Muslim does not suffer any mental or physical anguish, or any distress, grief, pain or sorrow – even from the prick of a thorn – except that Allah expiates his mistakes and sins.” Bukhari and Muslim
Every pain and anguish we suffer has a reward. It cleanses us of our sins, and like bad-tasting medicine or painful procedures, it eventually leads to healing. Our pain is the gift from ALLAH of spiritual cleansing and purification. You only reap its benefits after enduring the hardship. With pain comes expiation, and submission to it increases acceptance in one’s heart of ALLAH’S hand in it. Muslims are forbidden from killing in mercy, to kill someone to spare them from pain would be robbing them of ALLAH’s gift of mercy, purification and expiation. My 24 year old nephew had congenital kidney failure and has been spending the better part of his life on dialysis. He has had two kidney transplants, one of which was successful for 11 years of his life and the other which his body rejected almost immediately after the transplant. He lives in and out of hospital and it is indeed painful for all of us to witness, despite his incredible acceptance of his condition. The only tool with which we navigate such anguish is the absolute knowledge that his reward must be as tremendous as his pain. A treasured gift that he himself seems to have accepted.
Complimentary Quality of GRATITUDE
Another complimentary quality of Sabr is Shukr /Gratitude.
Although as human beings we often forget that we should be thankful for everything for the air that we breathe, our sight, hearing, the love of our family, the roofs over our heads, the excellent food we eat etc. Although we’re not nearly as grateful as we should be for the good, we are even less thankful for the bad. In fact we often struggle to endure bad things that happen to us. At the very first level of taqwa we should remain steadfast and patient in the face of difficulties and hardships. This is almost a passive sabr. To move into the realm of active sabr we aspire to the level of Ihsaan. At the higher level of the practice of sabr, we may even become thankful if not content with whatever Allah sends down to us because we trust in the knowledge and wisdom of ALLAH ﷻ, that HE knows what is best for us. If HE gives us unpleasant medicine, it is only to heal us or to shield us from worse or to deposit into our aagirah account rewards which will benefit us when we need it the most.
Another wonderful consequence of experiencing trouble and hardship is that when it’s over, and things are back to ‘normal’, it makes ‘normal’ feel wonderful and serves as a reminder to be ever so thankful for what we normally take for granted.
“Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things might seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, Allah will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful! It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what he has been given but also for all that he has been denied.” Shams Tabrizi (The mentor of Jalaluddin Rumi)
Another kind of sabr is FORBEARANCE. To endure verbal abuse, accusations, disrespect, slander, backbiting, false assumptions, name-calling, ridicule, maligning comments, etc. from people around us because of their jealousy, misgivings, maliciousness, difference of opinion or dislike for whatever reason.
A person will be within one’s right to defend himself from any misbehavior. That is justice and everyone is entitled to it without being blamed for it. However, in a state of Ihsan the believer takes all that in stride graciously and magnanimously without responding, fighting back, paying much attention or complaining. Ihsan is the standard good Muslims are expected to strive for. The Holy Quran states:
“The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto (in degree): but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah: for Allah loveth not those who do wrong.” Surah Ash- Sura –
Interestingly I heard a talk by Noman Ali Khan while writing this article. He explained in a Tafseer about Surah Qahf that an eye for an eye, (my précise) cannot be accomplished by human beings with any degree of accuracy or perfection. If someone slaps you and you slap them back, how would you know whether your slap was the exactly the same as the slap you received. How can you be sure that your slap was not harder? The scales of justice becomes a slippery slope. It is impossible to mete out justice or equal retribution. ALLAH ﷻ enjoins forgiveness instead and forbids wrong doing. Surely if we try to exact equal recompense for an injury we will be privy to wrong doing as we could never measure the exact justice required. Is this not ALLAH’S ﷻ way of saying justice is best left to HIM and forgiveness and reconciliation is best for us.
A beautiful Hadith reported by Abu Hurairah in Mishkah and Musnad Ahmad. Describes the implementation of the call to forgive and not fall into wrongdoing.
“Once, a person was verbally abusing Abu Bakr while the Prophet (Allah’s blessing and peace be upon him) was curiously watching with a smile. After taking much abuse quietly, Abu Bakr responded to a few of his comments. At this, the Prophet (Allah’s blessing and peace be upon him) exhibited his disapproval, got up and left. Abu Bakr caught up with the Prophet (Allah’s blessing and peace be upon him) and wondered, “O Messenger of Allah, he was abusing me and you remained sitting. When I responded to him, you disapproved and got up.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah’s blessing and peace be upon him) responded, “There was an angel with you responding to him. When you responded to him, Shaytan took his place.”
He then said,
“O Abu Bakr, there are three solid truths: If a person is wronged and he forbears (without seeking revenge) just for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala , Allah will honor him and give him upper hand with His help; if a person opens a door of giving gifts for cementing relationships with relatives, Allah will give him abundance; and, if a person opens a door of seeking charity for himself to increase his wealth, Allah will further reduce his wealth.” Reported Our Prophet (Allah’s blessing and peace be upon him) demonstrated best of Sabr in all of the situations described above giving us a vivid picture of what a perfect and ideal Sabr looks like. The most outstanding example of Sabr in the way of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala demonstrated in the face of persecutions from non-Muslims was that of our Prophet (Allah’s blessing and peace be upon him)’s 13 years in Makkah and his experience in Taif. That was humanity at its best, Sabr par excellence and Ihsan without a parallel. To prepare for this, he was admonished at the very outset of the mission.
Strength is not in how you overcome another person but in how you overcome yourself and control yourself in the time of anger and rage. Response out of a sense of pride puts shaytaan in the driver’s seat making you say what otherwise you would never say.[3] On the other hand, self-control and forbearance in the face of abuse is a noble exercise of sabr within the realm of Ihsaan.
“Those who practice Sabr will be rewarded their recompense without measure.” (Quran )
The critical elements in the practice of sabr are trust in ALLAH ﷻ, forgiveness and gratitude for HIS favours seen and unseen.
It is an active engagement in the struggles and trials of life. It also implies constant striving and improvement. The honour in that struggle lies in its constant pursuit. The culmination of constant practice results in the gradual establishment of sabr as a routine in one’s life. Actively practicing sabr, arms us, like the aloe tree, to respond to any extreme conditions with resilience, determination and strength. We are constantly under trial and test in this world, and it is so much a part of our human existence that its always there. Yet we always try to resist or avoid its effects as if one day the tests will stop. Indeed they will, but only upon death. Until then the way to manage them is through this sacred practice of sabr.
The Messengers of ALLAH ﷻ (Allah’s blessing and peace be upon them) have set excellent examples of this sabr. Moosa (Moses) peace be upon him demonstrated a good example of sabr on the problems caused by Bani Israil, with their nagging questions, superficial objections, foolish arguments, short-sighted suggestions, undue demands, improper expectations, lack of firm commitment, half-hearted support and weakness in obedience. To discourage repetition of that kind of behaviour, ALLAH ﷻ commanded, “O Believers, do not be like those who abused Moosa; then Allah cleared him from what they said. And he was, in the sight of Allah, honourable.” (Quran )
“And when Moosa said to his people, ‘O my people, why do you abuse me when you surely know that I am the messenger of Allah to you?’ When they deviated, Allah caused their hearts to deviate.” (Quran )
Isa peace be upon him was the best example of those who practised sabr on the reaction of the Bani Israil (who were supposed to be and claimed to be the believers), to his call for the Islamic movement and revival. He was sent to revive Islam without bringing any new Shari’ah. So, he tried to bring them from petrified, ritualistic Islam to the true spirit of the dynamic Islam that results in the establishment of the kingdom of God and that converts every believer into a missionary for the establishment for the supremacy of the Islamic way of life, but he was rejected and persecuted. So much so that they plotted to kill him, siding with the pagan Romans.
Our Prophet (ALLAH’s blessing and peace be upon him) demonstrated best of sabr in all of the situations described above giving us a vivid picture of what a perfect and ideal sabr looks like. The most outstanding example of sabr in the way of ALLAH ﷻ demonstrated in the face of persecutions was that of our Prophet (ALLAH’s blessing and peace be upon him)’s 13 years in Makkah and his experience in Taif, which remains etched in my heart as the seminal example of excellent character. That was humanity at its best, sabr par excellence and Ihsan without a parallel. To prepare for this, he was admonished at the very outset of the mission,
“And practice Sabr for the sake of your Lord.” (Quran )
And then he was reminded, “Rejected were the messengers before you, and they continued to practise Sabrwhile they were being rejected and persecuted, until Our help reached them.” (Quran )
“And practice Sabr, certainly Allah does not let the reward of the Muhsinin be lost.” (Quran )
He indeed excelled in what he was commanded . The same is expected from us. Although we may not be able to reach that level of excellence, our goal is to strive towards that level.
The practice of this standard of Sabr is not possible without collective efforts of the Ummah and mutual support and reminder towards each other. Hence, it is incumbent upon believers to enjoin each other this Sabr. Without it, (according to Surah Al-‘Asr) loss is not insured, salvation is not promised and success is not assured.
With love and duas from Radia, the weakest of servants 💚
[1]funduszeue.info
[2]funduszeue.info
[3] Sheikh Omar Sulieman
Seks iin domuum, seks iin yayorum! (zge 22 Y., Antalya / Trkiye)
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niversitede ilk sene yurtta kaldktan sonra, kzarkada birlikte eve kmaya karar vermitik. mz de ok sosyal tiplerdik. Elenmeyi ok severdik ve yurt hayat bizim gibi kzlar iin hi uygun deildi. Nitekim eve tanmamzn zerinden ok uzun sre gemeden, tm kampsn imrendii bir grup olup kmtk. Nihan matematik retmenlii, Duygu makine mhendislii, ben de mimarlk okuyordum. Blmlerimizin birbirinden bu kadar alakasz olmas, hatta farkl farkl ehirlerden geliyor olmamz ok iyi anlamamza engel olmuyordu.
mz de insanlarn dnp dnp tekrar bakt, orantl fiziklere sahibiz. Fazla tevazuya gerek yok, gzel olduumuz da bir gerek. Nihan, sa boyas teknolojisinin eseri de olsa, nefis bir kzldr. Duygu da aslnda ok tatl bir kumralken, kendini seksi bir sarna evirmeyi baarm bir afettir. Bense zaman zaman lgnlklar yapp, ara ara maviler, morlar ya da pembeler kartrsam da, genelde doal sa rengim koyu kahveden amamay tercih ederim. Tenim, Akdeniz kz olmann getirdii lde ltl bir Bronzluktadr
Gzelliimin farkna varmaya baladm zamanlardan beri her yerde erkeklerin dikkatini ekiyor olmak hep houma gitmitir. Bu sebeple cinsellikle tanmam da daha 16 yamda zel matematik dersi aldm hocamla olmutu. Kzlm bozup beni sekse altrd o dnemde yle bir hale gelmitim ki, soru zmem iin beni seksle motive eder olmutu. Parmaklar amm okarken soru zmemi ister, soruyu yanl zdm anda elini ammdan eker, beni azm ve orgazm iin yalvarr halde brakp, bir sonraki soruyu doru zene kadar karmda sikini svazlard. Kendimi ona siktirebilmenin yolunun snavlarda yksek puanlar almak olduunu bildiimden, tam konsantrasyon dersime alr, en yksek puanlar alrdm. Neyseki mkafatlarm harcadm abaya deerdi
Evde kzlarla her ey mkemmel gidiyordu. mzn de erkek arkadalar vard ve onlar da yakn arkada olduklarndan, hibir sknt olmadan yayorduk. Evimizin geni olmas ve herbirimizin bir odas olmas nedeniyle, sevgililerimiz de neredeyse bize tanm gibiydi. Arada srada evlerine gider olmulard. O zamanki sevgilim Onur'la seks konusunda hibir sorun yaamyorduk. Bana tapyor, beni istediim gibi tatmin etmek iin rpnyor, ben orgazm olduktan sonra da inleyerek boalyor ve bana ak olduunu, asla brakmayacan sylyordu
Zaman zaman gecenin bir yarsnda kzlardan birinin odasndan gelen inlemelerle uyanr, kulak kesilir, bu seslerle azar ve Onur daha uykudayken sikini emerek kaldrrdm. Kasklarndaki aryla uyandnda, zerine kar, o daha uyku sersemiyken kendimi siktirmeye balardm. Bu Onur'un o kadar houna giderdi ki, lgna dnerdi. Benim onlar duyduum gibi, onlarn da bizi duyabilecei ihtimali beni yle heyecanlandrrd ki, inlemelerimi iyice arttrr, Onur'u da bartana kadar kaptrrdm kendimi sekse. ou zaman azna mememi alarak haykrn bastrmaya alp, o ekilde iime boalrd. Sekste snrlarm olmasa da, hi yapmadm ama beni ok tahrik eden baz eyler vard. zlenmek, ya da izlemek de bunlardan biriydi.
Bir gn okulda bir dersin iptal olmasyla, sonraki dersi de asp eve gitmeye karar verdim. Aslnda okul k iin sevgilim Onur, Duygu ve Duygu'nun sevgilisiyle planlarmz vard. Ama Onur'u hocas dersle ilgili bir konuda yardm etmesi iin arnca, plan iptal olmutu. Ben de Duygu'yla sevgilisine ayak ba olmak istememitim. Niyetim eve gidip, uzanp, bir film izlemekti. Evde kimse olmayacan dnyordum, nk Nihan'n ertesi gn nemli bir snav vard ve geceyi muhtemelen ktphanede geirecekti
Evin sessizliine baklacak olursa haklydm. Zaman zaman yalnz kalmak houma gittii iin, keyifle odama gidip, zerimdekileri kardm. Evde rlplak gezmek iin kzlarn memleketlerine gitmelerini drt gzle beklerdim. uanda da yalnz olduuma gre, banyoya byle girmemde bir saknca yoktu. Film izleme fikrinden vazgeip, doruca banyoya gidip, kveti scak suyla doldurdum. Yasemin kokulu banyo kpklerinin iine uzandm. Daha sabah du aldmdan vcudum temizdi aslnda, ama bu keyif paha biilemezdi. Scak suyun ierisinde salarm slatmadan uzanp, tatl bir uykuya dalmm
Gzlerimi atmda aradan yarm saat getiini ve suyun hafiften lmaya baladn fark ettim. zerimde yle bir arlk vard ki, kalkp yataa gitmeye karar verdim. Sudan kp, banyo kapsnn arkasna asl boy aynasnda kendimi grdmde, grntmn ne kadar ehvetli olduunu ben bile grebiliyordum. Scak suyun ierisinde yumuack olan ve pembeleen cildim prl prl parlyordu. Sudan kp serin havayla buluunca meme ularm diklemiti. Ammsa bebek gibi przsz pembe ve dolgun dudaklaryla bacaklarmn arasnda saklanyordu.
zerimden sular damlayarak banyodan kp, odama doru giderken, aniden donakaldm. Nihan'n odasnn kaps ardna kadar akt ve ieride grdm manzara beni yerime mhlamt. Nihan'n sevgilisi Burak ayakta yz kapya doru dnk vaziyette dikiliyor, Nihan da nnde diz km, Burak'n sikini deli gibi yalayp emiyordu. Burak'n elleri Nihan'n sanda, kafasn geriye atm, gzleri kapal zevkin tadn kartyordu
Manzara ylesine erotikti ki, amm annda sulanp szlamaya balamt. Burak sanki orada olduumu hissetmi gibi birden ban indirip gzlerini am ve donup kalmt. Gzleri alkla bedenimde gezinirken, ben bir milim bile kprdayamamtm. Salondan ieriye vuran akam gnei zerimdeki su damlalarnn kristal gibi grnmesine neden oluyordu. stemsizce bir elim artk neredeyse ac veren amma gitmiti. Kendimi okarken gzlerim Burak'n baklarndayd. Amm okayan kendi elim deil de onun gzleriydi sanki
Dier elimle gsm avularken, parmaklarm iime kaydrdm. Burak'n ellerinin Nihan'n salarnda yumruk oluunu izlerken, heyecandan kendimden getim adeta. Oradan uzaklamam gerektiini biliyordum, ama bir adm bile atacak durumda deildim. Olduum yerde kendimi parmaklarken, Burak gzleri ammda, inleyerek boalmaya balad. Bu grnt benim de zlmemi salad ve durduum yerde titreye titreye orgazm oldum. Ses karmamak iin dudaklarm sryordum. Ama artk gitmem gerekiyordu, Nihan her an ayaa kalkp beni grebilirdi.
Son sarsnt da geerken gzlerimi ap, Burak'a tekrar baktm. Halen alkla bana bakyordu. Gz gzeyken, ammdan kardm parmaklarm azma sokup, kendi zevk sularm yalayp emdim. Burak gz dnm bir ekilde gzlerinden ateler karak bana bakarken, ben sessizce odama geip kapy kapattm. rlplak bir ekilde yataa girip, uykuma kaldm yerden devam etmeye karar verdim. Belki de ryamda ayn hazz tekrar yaayabilirdim. Elim ammda uyuyakaldm
Ama tuhaf bir rya grdm. Ryamda, hi tanmadm yakkl biriyle Lx bir restorandaydm ve garsonumuz Burak't. Yemeimizi yedikten sonra, o yakkl beni Burak'n gzleri nnde masaya domaltp sikmeye balad. Fakat nedense o yakklnn kim olduunu anlamaya alrken uyandm. Sevgilim Onur ben uyurken gelmi, soyunup yataa girmi ve bana sarlarak uyumu. Yar sert siki arkadan amma dayanmt. Belki baka zaman olsa sikini kaldrp amma sokar, kendimi ona siktirirdim, ama aklm halen akamzeri yaananlarda olacakt ki, iimden gelmedi. Grdm ryann etkisiyle olsa gerek ackmtm. Yataktan kp, zerime saten sabahlm geirdim. Mutfaa geip bireyler attrmak, sonra da yataa dnmekti niyetim
Buzdolabnn zerinde Nihan'dan bir not buldum. Duygu'nun haftasonuna kadar gelmeyeceini, sevgilisiyle birlikte Ankara'ya gittiini, kendisinin de gece ktphanede olacan, ertesi gn snavdan sonra da teyzesine geeceini yazmt. (Teyzesi bizimle ayn ehirde oturduundan arada ziyaretine gider, bir iki gece kalp dnerdi). Onur'un asistanln yapt hocayla birlikte seminere gideceini bildiinden, yalnz kalmak istemezsem onunla gelebileceimi, teyzesinin ok sevineceini yazmt.
Zaman zaman yalnz vakit geirmekten holansam da, gece evde yalnz kalma fikri ok houma gitmiyordu. Nihan'a katlmaya karar verip vermeme iini yarna brakp, dolaptan bir muz alarak odaya dndm. Okuma lambasnn n yakp, bir yandan muzumu yerken, bir yandan da kitabm okuyordum. Kapnn yavaa almasyla bir an tedirgin oldum ve yerimden sradm. Glgenin ieriye bir adm atp kim olduunu gstermesi ve Onur'un uyanarak, "Ne oldu akm?" demesi ayn anda oldu.
Burak'n halen evde olduunu dnmediimden korkmutum, ama ayn anda kafamda beliren grntler yznden de sersemlemitim. Onur'un uyanmasyla Burak tekrar geri ekilip kapy kapatrken, ben, "Hi. Hibir ey olmad!" diyerek Onur'un dudaklarndan pmeye baladm. Yan gzle de kapy kesiyordum, Burak odamdan karken kapy tam kapatmam, hafif aralk brakmt. nce rty zerimizden atp, Onur'un sikini kavradm. Onur zevkle inlerken, ben sikini svazlayarak, "Neden geldiinde sokmadn bunu iime, nasl slam grmedin mi?" diyerek daha da azdrdm onu. Hem onu, hem de Burak'. Burak'n kap aralndan bizi izlediini adm gibi biliyordum nk
Bir elimi amma sokup, sularmla slanm parmaklarm havaya kaldrdm. "Bak nasl slandm!" diyerek, hem onun, hem de Burak'n grebilecei ekilde a tuttum. Sonra parmaklarm azma gtrp yaladktan sonra, bu sefer onun azna soktum. Onur azgnca parmaklarmdaki sularm emerken, dier elimle sikini tekrar tekrar svazladm. Sonra yavaa zerinde kayp, gslerini, karnn ve kasklarn yalaya yalaya aa indim. Ve artk ta gibi olmu sikini azma aldm. Onur'un koca sikini yalayp emerken, bir yandan da domalm vaziyette amm ve gtm resmen Burak'a seyrettiriyordum
Sevgilimin sikinin bandan zevk sular damladka, ben daha bir itahla emiyor, bir elimle taaklarn ovarken, dier elimle alttan kendimi parmaklyordum. Btn bunlar yaparken izleniyor olmak beni yle heyecanlandrmt ki, ammdan szan sularm bileime, oradan da yataa damlyor, parmamn her giri knda pr pr ses karyordu. Onur ac eker gibi inleyerek, "Yeter, iine girmek istiyorum, devam edersen dayanamayacam akm!" deyip, beni yukar ekti ve bir hamlede zerime karak sikini amma soktu. Dayanacak hali kalmamt
Onur sert darbelerle beni sikerken, ben hafife dorulup kapya baktmda, Burak tekrar kapy ap, bir adm atarak a geldi. Sikini eofmanndan karm svazlyor, nerdeyse morarmaya balayacak olan siki dev bir canavar gibi elinde gidip geliyordu. Burak'n sikinin bu kadar mkemmel olabilecei daha nce hi aklma gelmemiti. (Onur'un aksine, Burak iriyar ve kasl deildi ve daha bebeksi bir yakkll vard, belki de bu yzden). Onur delirmi gibi amm sikerken, Burak bir adm daha atma cesareti gstererek, sandalyenin stne braktm saten sabahlm eline ald, koklad. Ben orgazmn ilk sarsntlarn hissetmeye baladm srada, Burak Onurla ayn anda boalmaya balad. Onur dllerini iime fkrtrken, Burak da beyaz sabahlm dlleriyle suluyordu. ylesine tahrik olmutum ki, orgazmm durduramyordum adeta
Onur sonunda tkenip yar yarya zerime yldnda, ben halen tir tir titriyordum. Son bir kuvvet bam kaldrp Burak'a baktmda, dudaklarn oynatt ve ses karmadan (Yarn!) dedi. Baka bir ey sylemesine gerek yoktu. Zaten onun o azm dimdik sikini grdm anda kendimi ona siktirmeye karar vermitim. Bamla (Tamam!) iareti yapmamla Burak'n yznde mutlu bir glmseme belirdi ve sessiz bir pck gndererek usulca svt odadan. Ben de kapatp, kendimi yorgunlua teslim ettim
Tekrar uyandmda sabah olmutu. Onur giyinmi, saatini koluna takyordu. Uyandm grnce eilip dudaklarmdan pt ve "Nihan sana not brakm akm, kzlarn ikisi de evde olmayacaklarm, Nihan onunla birlikte teyzesine gitmeni teklif ediyor. Git istersen akm, iki gn ben de yokum, yalnz kalmam olursun!" dedi. Gece evde yalnz kalmaktan holanmadm herkes biliyordu. Ama zaten yalnz kalmayacam iin bu hi umurumda deildi. Onur'a, bu frsat deerlendirip final iin hazrlayacam maket zerinde biraz n alma yapacam, yalnzken daha iyi konsantre olabileceimi syledim. Bu bahanem ie yaram, Onur'u ikna etmitim. Ayn ekilde Nihan' da kandrmam ok kolay olacakt. Onur plaklmla tekrar tahrik olmaya balaynca, ge kalmamak iin apar topar yanmdan frlayp, hzlca bir pck verdikten sonra evden kt
Dn geceki sevimenin yorgunluuyla ve halen sabahn kr olmas sebebiyle yatakta dnp, karnmn zerine uzanarak, tekrar uykuya dalmaya altm. Ama bir sre uykuyla uyanklk arasnda gidip geldikten sonra vazgeip yataktan ktm. rlplak vaziyette mutfaa gittim. Burak'n gelmesini beklerken yiyecek bireyler aryordum. Ekmek kzartma makinesine iki dilim ekmek koyup, ilek reeli kavanozunu almak iin dolabn iine eilmitim ki, kapda bir tkrt duydum. Bir an iin Burak'tan baka birinin gelmi olabileceini dnp endielensem de, "zgee!" diye seslenen oydu. Yzmde muzip bir glmsemeyle dorulup tezgahn stne ktm ve bacak bacak stne attm. Elimdeki ilek reeli kavanozunun kapan ap, bir parmam iine daldrdm
Burak mutfaa girdii anda beni rlplak vaziyette parmamdaki ilek reelini yalarken grd. Azgnlkla zerime doru gelirken, "Sen beni ldrmek mi istiyorsun orospu? Yetmedi mi ikencelerin? Aylardr seni hayal ederek Nihan' siktiim yetmezmi gibi, banyodan rlplak kp gzmn nnde kendini parmakladn, o da yetmedi gzmn nnde Onur angutuna siktirdin kendini!" diyerek, bir yandan soyunuyor, bir yandan da her cmlenin arasnda duraksayp, azna en yakn vcudumun hangi noktas varsa oramdan pyordu. Sonunda rlplak kaldnda, beni kucaklad gibi tezgahtan indirdi. Minyon yapl bir kz olmama ramen beni bu kadar kolay kucaklayabilmesine armtm. Neeyle bir kahkaha atp, "Ama am been!" diye bardm. Burak amm avulayarak, "Ben de alktan lmek zereyim, nce sen beni doyur, sonra ben seni doyurmasn bilirim!" dedi ve kucana alp odama gtrd
Deli gibi perek kendimizi yataa attk. Onun elleri benim vcudumun her yerinde, benim ellerim de onun vcudunun her yerinde geziniyordu. Siki yine devasa boyutlara ulam, elimin altnda nabz gibi atyordu. Tadna bakmak iin lyordum adeta. zerinde vcudumu kaydrp sikine ulamak istediimde beni durdurdu ve "Azn sikime dedii anda boalrm, bu an ok uzun zamandr bekliyorum, dur ltfen!" dedi. Sesi, ald zevkten dolay kaln ve hrltl kyordu. yle bir alkla bakyordu ki bana, bu isteimi daha sonraya brakmaya karar verdim. Onun yerine zerine kp, sikini amma sokmadan stne oturuverdim. ylesine slaktm ki, am dudaklarmn arasnda ileri geri kaydrrken apr apr sesler kyordu
Hem kendimi, hem onu delirtiyordum. Dilerini yle bir kenetlemiti ki, kendisine zarar vermesinden korktum. Birden beni zerinden indirip yataa srtst yatrd ve zerime kt, aa doru kayarak memelerimi yalayp pmeye ve emmeye balad. Bir yandan eli de ammda alyor, beni her taraftan istila ediyordu. Aldm zevkten inlemeye, adn sayklamaya balamtm ki, az daha aa doru hareketlenmeye balad. Karnm yalayp, kasklarmdan aa inerek ammn stne geldi. Ammn dudaklarn ayrmadan iinden szan am suyumu yalad. ime girmesi iin deliriyordum artk, ama roller deimiti imdi, o beni delirtiyordu
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