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And though the rise in hate crimes against Asians was painful to see, it helped create a widespread acknowledgment of the discrimination Asians, including Asian men, still face in America. It still meant that I would have been regarded as better if I was white. Keep going! My internalized white supremacy was degrading an immutable part of who I am. And that element of exchange has taught me that I deserve to have my culture, my food and my traditions enthusiastically embraced, not simply tolerated. And it turned out that once I stopped looking for whiteness in myself, I stopped looking for whiteness in my partners. Yes, there was Bruce Lee, who played strong, fierce characters, but he was the exception to the rule, highlighting just how few Asian male characters were in films and TV shows at all, and how those few roles were mostly for weak or comical characters.

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